
Actual headlines, not-so-actual stories
-NY police on Pope watch snatch river beaver
NEW YORK (Reuters) - New York police sitting on the shoulders of Pope Benedict watched a snatch river beaver emerge from the Hudson River. Snatch river beavers are commonly seen in New York City loitering on street corners.
-Prince William lands helicopter in girlfriend's garden (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more!)
LONDON (Reuters) - ...the Ministry of Defence defended [Prince William's] actions, saying he achieved essential training objectives, which included the aforementioned landing the ole helicopter in his girlfriend's garden and sending the royal todger into the bush.
-Italian convicted for staring at woman on train
LECCO, Italy (Reuters) - An Italian man was given a suspended jail sentence for staring too intensely at a woman sitting in front of him on a train.
Also given a suspended jail sentence was a woman who could not control her erect nipples. She accidently poked a man in the eye with one, detaching his retina. When the accident occurred, the man was staring intensely at her.