Bar Talk

A, a male acquaintance, is sitting at the bar, slowly becoming inebriated. D is a married female who met A earlier in the evening.

A: Finally I said fuck it and started my own business.

D: What kind of business?

A: Roofing.

D: I have a friend with roofing experience looking for a job.

A: Is he ethical, clean-cut, reliable, a hard worker?

D: My friend's a she.

A: Is she cute?

An Open Letter to Amy Poehler

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Choking the Muse and Her Skanky Girlfriend

For those desperate writers clamoring for a creative kick in the ass, I have a whole mess of writing prompts (litter of writing prompts? quiver of writing prompts? murder of writing prompts?) posted by my friends at Zygote in My Coffee. Check out Choking the Muse and Her Skanky Girlfriend.

Headlines and News – Pope, Prince, and Poke Edition

Actual headlines, not-so-actual stories

-NY police on Pope watch snatch river beaver

NEW YORK (Reuters) - New York police sitting on the shoulders of Pope Benedict watched a snatch river beaver emerge from the Hudson River. Snatch river beavers are commonly seen in New York City loitering on street corners.

-Prince William lands helicopter in girlfriend's garden (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more!)

LONDON (Reuters) - ...the Ministry of Defence defended [Prince William's] actions, saying he achieved essential training objectives, which included the aforementioned landing the ole helicopter in his girlfriend's garden and sending the royal todger into the bush.

-Italian convicted for staring at woman on train

LECCO, Italy (Reuters) - An Italian man was given a suspended jail sentence for staring too intensely at a woman sitting in front of him on a train.

Also given a suspended jail sentence was a woman who could not control her erect nipples. She accidently poked a man in the eye with one, detaching his retina. When the accident occurred, the man was staring intensely at her.